Have you ever wondered if building a positive relationship with your teenage child is possible? Have you ever lost your patience with your teenage child and find yourself overwhelmed? Every parent wants the best for their children and we want to be the best parent we can be. But those years between the ages of 13 and 18 may make you feel like you’re failing at parenting.
There is a reason for your child’s difficult behavior during adolescence. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry “Scientists have identified a specific region of the brain called the amygdala that is responsible for immediate reactions including fear and aggressive behavior. This region develops early. However, the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act, develops later. This part of the brain is still changing and maturing well into adulthood.”
Adolescence is a very difficult period of time, not only for parents, but also for teenagers who go through so many changes. The hormonal and physical changes make them feel self-conscious and insecure about themselves. Also at school, where they interact with teenagers their age, they are exposed to bullying and disapproval of their appearance. During the teenage years, your child may become depressed and feel hopeless about their future, which may lead to poor academic performance and engaging in risky behaviors, such as use of drugs and alcohol or having unprotected sex.
Research by the Pew Research Center has shown that “61% of teens say they feel a lot of pressure to get good grades. By comparison, about three-in-ten say they feel a lot of pressure to look good (29%) and to fit in socially (28%), while roughly one-in-five feel similarly pressured to be involved in extracurricular activities and to be good at sports (21% each).”
It is important to give your child a lot of support during adolescence, as it is a crucial part of their development. As parents, we must give our children a lot of love and attention. However, it is also important to establish household rules and use age-appropriate disciplinary methods. You can put a small child on “time out” or give him a little spanking, but with teenagers, you must change the strategy. Taking away their video game or phone may be a more appropriate disciplinary strategy for a teenager.
The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recommends communicating with your teenage child, and showing interest in your child’s academic and extracurricular activities as a very important element of positive parenting.
To build a healthy and positive relationship with your teenage child, the most important thing is to create a good connection and frequent communication. Children are not born with manual instructions under their arms, and it’s always good to try different strategies to see what works best. However, affection will be the key element that will help you endure this difficult time in your child’s life. When you least expect it, everything will be calmed again.
Here are some basic, effective rules for building a positive relationship with your teenage child:
1. Listen More Than You Talk
Show genuine interest in what your teen says without immediately jumping in with advice or judgment. Active listening builds trust and a positive relationship with your child.
2. Show Respect
Treat them with the same respect you expect. This means respecting their opinions, privacy, and growing independence.
3. Set Clear Boundaries (With Flexibility)
Teens need structure, but also space to make choices. Set reasonable rules and explain the why behind them. Be open to revisiting rules as they mature.
4. Be Consistent and Fair
Follow through on promises and consequences. Consistency helps your teen feel secure and know what to expect.
5. Spend Quality Time Together
Make time regularly to do things they enjoy—even simple activities like watching a show, cooking together, or taking a walk.
6. Praise Effort, Not Just Results
Recognize their hard work, not just achievements. Encouragement builds confidence and keeps communication positive.
7. Stay Calm During Conflict
Avoid yelling or reacting emotionally. Calm discussions, even during disagreements, show that respect and reason matter more than being “right.”
8. Keep the Door Open
Let them know they can talk to you about anything. Even if they don’t take you up on it now, knowing you’re there is powerful.
9. Be Honest and Vulnerable
Share appropriate stories from your own teen years or admit when you make a mistake. It helps them see you as human and trustworthy.
10. Lead by Example
Teens watch more than they listen, which is crucial when trying to build a positive relationship with your teenage child. Model the values, habits, and communication you want to see in them.
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